just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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