the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
