you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
