my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
