Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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