Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
