I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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