So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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