i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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