thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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