theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
