She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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