No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A+ Viking dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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