MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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