I wish I could punch you in the face.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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