I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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