I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize