We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
