Can i not drive my cunt home
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize