Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
last night I used snow as a chaser
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