I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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