I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
