Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
