This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
