Cold hands, warm shart.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
