and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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