Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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