I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
