omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
