we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I love you.
Bad choice
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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