'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize