I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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