I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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