I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize