Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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