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I smell stomach acid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
