So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
