Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
