I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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