Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
