a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
