He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
