I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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