is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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