I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
