Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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