So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
