We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
