I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
