i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
