I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
