i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
