If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
