haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
