whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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