Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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