Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm really busy with my period
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