I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize