Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
